Saturday, 5 January 2008

I require fashionable headwear

This is the winter, and though I'm reasonably content, I am troubled by my lack of options when it comes to functional and fashionable headwear. My major problem is in the ear department, where I have been blessed with a surplus of surface area, a trait which, despite its positive contributions to my particular physiognomy, has certain drawbacks. One is that, for some reason, gay men find my ears my most striking feature -- which, while somewhat flattering, is not all that flattering, but that's not really here nor there. What I mean to say is that on a cold day with insufficient headwear, my ears are apt to resemble nothing as much as a pair of blue-gray icicles clinging to the side of my egg-like noggin.

My approach to addressing this issue has been your classic knitted hat, which, when worn low-slung enough over the ears, does the job. But it's an effect best termed practical, not fashionable.

Now, one of the advantages of living in a large metropolitan area (with a vast pedestrian population) is that one has the opportunity to observe the fashion brilliance and mistakes of one's neighbours in large volumes. This, as much as anything, I credit for certain sartorial improvements I like to think I have achieved during my time in London. But even given this large and potentially useful sort of laboratory within which to observe, I am at a loss to find a headwear option that fulfils my two basic requirements, viz:

1. Keep my ears covered and warm.
2. Not look like an idiot.

Number two, perhaps, should be further expanded, because in truth I'm not always that concerned about my own apparent mental defects:
2. a. Meet with the approval of my wife.

This last can be tricky, for she is lately my Jeeves, at least in the sense of being the conscience of my wardrobe. Often have I started a conversation along the lines of, "You know, I saw this guy wearing this sort of Russian fur hat that looked really good..." only to be met with a look of pitying disapproval that, had it been flashed at Genghis Khan, would have made that worthy stop his horde a'pillaging, cease his conquest and return home until he could get a much sharper sweater vest.

So, dear reader, I ask for your help. Describe an article of headwear that can solve my dilemma. Please share your photos, descriptions, drawings, schematics, whatever it may require. Somewhere out there is the proper kind of hat* for a head like mine on a day like this.

* Are men allowed to wear earmuffs? Because that might just work, too.


At 05 January 2008 17:22 , Anonymous Beth W. said...

It might make things simpler if you let your wife pick a hat for you (or at least make some suggestions). Then the pool is a lot narrower.

I have a big fur (fake fur) hat, with the ear-flaps and everything. It's utterly impractical, but it keeps my head exceedingly warm.

In your case I'd almost suggest a skullcap (something that can just cover your ears and kinda squish them to the sides of your head), but in London that might not a) go with your nice suits and hence be suitable for work or b) it might get you mistaken for a chav. OK, OK, you'd need a big gold chain and some trainers for that, but anyway, it's best just to be safe.

A newsboy cap might work on you -- although it wouldn't cover your ears, it stands out from the sides of your head a bit more, so your ears aren't the ONLY things sticking out. And they come in nice fabrics.

At 05 January 2008 22:11 , Blogger Slimbolala said...

A sharp, colorful knit cap (red perhaps?) worn slightly raked above the ears, plus plain black earmuffs. It'll work.

At 06 January 2008 00:56 , Blogger Wesley said...

Thank you both.

I feel bad for having to ask, but, um, do the earmuffs go over or under the cap?

At 08 January 2008 03:46 , Anonymous Beth W. said...

Over. Definitely over.

At 09 January 2008 15:50 , Blogger Slimbolala said...



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